Monday, July 28, 2008

2 AM and I'm still awake...

...writing a song,
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

2 AM, and I've got work at 8. Well, 0745, to be exact, but what's fifeen minutes but half a lifetime? 2 AM, and I'm still awake, writing a blog, 'cause I can't think of what else to do in these post-midnight hours when sleep is a fickle, fickly butterfly. I don't know where this insomnia comes from; my coffee addiction, perhaps, although I've gone 'light' on the caffeine today, or maybe just that my body can never quite figure out what time it's supposed to be, thanks to my ever-changing hours. I've been up until 4 AM every night for the last week or so, after all; my sea watch schedule is midnight to 4 AM, and then noon to 4 PM. The port watch, for the last three days, has been 4 PM to midnight. I've been sleeping until noon the last couple of days, and why wouldn't I?

So, why should my body shut down on demand, just because my watch schedule rolls over?

I'm still looking at taking October off, although after looking at my accrued leave and realizing that I have about two months on the book, I have to confess that I gave some serious thought to taking November and December both off, and to hell with it.

But I'd probably be stir crazy after a month off, and not having work or other things to occupy my time during NaNoWriMo would probably be a deathblow for my chances this year, seeing how little I get written on weekends off during that time, so I might as well just suck it up.

"In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day."
F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940), "The Crack-Up" (1936)

I've got about half an hour until I hit that long dark teatime of the soul (to steal a phrase). I haven't written anything on Twilight Exile lately, although I confess that laying in bed, staring at a darkened ceiling, I find my mind running over the story again and again. With bon chance I'll get back to the grindstone come day watch today, although I know it's stupid to keep waiting for extreme boredom to drive me back to the pen. I've been reading a lot, lately - a good thing, although (like Oblivion last month) I've let it distract me from other things I should be doing. Funny, how things so easily glossed over and cast aside during the minutiae of the day nag at you in the middle of the night.

I hate insomnia.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Scribbles Gone Mobile

So, here's a new thing for me - an entry completely written on my mobile phone, taking advantage of its web browser. I have absolutely no idea if this will work, but it's just after midnight, I'm exhausted, and I've got nothing else to look forward to the next three plus hours but standing my gangway watch... so here goes nothing.

It's only been a day since my last entry, and I really don't have much to report - I updated my Flickr account with some new photos, mostly of the 'squats' - practice unreps - we did with the USNS Laramie the other day. The Laramie was my first ship, so it's a nice mix of the past and the present... and, oddly enough, even though I got off the ship two years ago, a lot of the same people are still there. Laramie encourages homesteaders, so I guess it's no big surprise.

Stood my watch today... napped afterwards, then went home. Forgot my guitar... I haven't been practicing lately, so I was kinda planning on using this underway period to get back into the swing of things. I'm kicking myself, but I suppose it's just as well... I can use the extra time to work on Twilight Exile.

And... I guess that's about all for me. 'Threshold' is pretty good so far, although the plot hasn't really started rolling yet. Kiernan's writing is very poetic, deep, and descriptive - a good thing, but as dozy as I've been lately, it's taking me longer to get through than normal. Think I'll stick with it, though.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Why~, is Superman dead?

(Eee aaah eee aah, yeah)
Is it in my head?
We'll just laugh instead
You worry about the weather and
Whether or not you should hate...

So... the Rebecca is telling me I should update again. I'm not entirely sure why - I can only imagine that she's so mind-numbingly bored right now that she needs something to read. Or, perhaps she has an RSS subscription up for all of her subscribed blogs, and mine is lagging behind the rest of the bunch.

Whatever the case, here it is - my first update for July, 2008. This time last year, I was on my way to the Persian Gulf... not much fun. Right now, I'm sitting in my living room... much more fun, but not particularly exciting. It's a quarter 'till midnight, and pretty soon, I'll be headed back to the ship to sleep - back to the ship, rather than upstairs to my bedroom, because the Virginia Beach to Norfolk traffic, especially to the Naval base, is incredibly heinous in the mornings, and finding a parking spot is like searching for an honest man in the wilds of D.C... risky, futile, and fraught with delusional optimism.

So, I sleep on the ship. Better for my sanity, really.

We're out to sea on Friday... not sure for how long. It's a bummer, since that means we'll be setting sea watches at midnight, which is (gasp) eight hours after I get off the day watch (I hate those eight hour turnarounds) and the same time all my friends are going to see Hellboy II... which I'm pumped about, want to see, and sadly won't get an opportunity to, probably until it comes out on DVD.

Sad fugee face.

Lessee... um... some friends are talking about taking a hiking/camping trip next weekend... not sure if I'll be in town for it, but I'll see if I can't get the time off, anyway. Wish me luck, they usually frown on Able Seamen (and especially watch standers) taking off when we're due out to sea... and as I might have mentioned (and might have neglected) some genius decided that I would make a great unrep helmsman. Not my idea of fun, although I suppose the overtime will be good... anyway, means my chances of bailing are pretty slim. But there shouldn't be any harm in asking.

Been reading a bit, lately - over the course of the last four or five days, I've read Robin Hobbs' "Soldier Son" trilogy, Caitlin R. Kiernan's "Silk", and reread the entirety of "Dance Till Tomorrow". Also, finally got ahold of the first trade paperback for Transmetropolitan; I found it a little weak, but the rest of the series more than made up for it. Currently reading Caitlin Kiernan's "Threshold", but I'm thinking about putting it aside and reading some hardboiled detective stories, instead - I picked up, well, pretty much all (if not actually all) of Raymond Chandler's Philip Marlowe novels. Classics.

I've started a new Paladin serial over on my folder at RDI; I said I might, and so I did. It's called "Twilight Exile"; the name took me forever to hash out, and may still be subject to change. The first two parts are up (plus the teaser/prequel, "Echoes of Absence". I'm pounding away at the third part right now, which will hopefully round out the first chapter of a speculated four plus epilogue. I've gotten a little bit of feedback so far, and it's all been positive, so here's hoping that I can keep it up.

My brother's been having some flooding difficulties over at his apartment lately, so he's got me keeping an eye on his cats. They're not so bad - a little messy, but no worse than, well, any of the roommates I've had. I'd forgotten just how much I liked having a cat around the house - coming up on my second year of living on my own, now.

I dreamed of Joe the other day. I don't know if it's because the anniversary of his death is fast approaching, or what. Just like always, I immediately recognize that he's dead. I wish to god I could forget, at least in my dreams, and not have to deal with that same old question - do I tell him? Or just enjoy his company while I can?

And... that's about it for me. I probably shouldn't give in to the Rebecca's demands so compliantly, because it just encourages her... but I've been meaning to post at least something here for a while, so I guess she's more or less pushing me along the path that I would have chosen eventually anyway. That's what I tell myself, at least.