Sunday, January 01, 2012

365/1K (And Other Strangeness)

So, I've never been a big fan of New Year's Resolutions. To be honest, I've found them kinda tacky; a list of things you probably should have been doing well before New Year's, and you're throwing it out there with the intention of doing them this year, instead. Most people fail to follow them; they're kind of the epitome of failure.

It's probably a little hypocritical to start out a note on my New Year's Resolutions this year by bashing the entire concept of New Years Resolutions, but let's be honest; consistency has never been my strong suit.

Which is probably the best reason I can give for putting forth a list of "New Year's Resolutions" (at least one of which is an ongoing thing continuing from November/December of last year, anyway).

First of all, I resolve to weigh 250 pounds, or as close to it as I can come, by this date, 2013. I've been well embroiled in the process of losing weight since my early birthday party, when my parents were kind enough to give me a Utilikilt that, sadly, was just a size or so too small - at the biggest size they offer. Turns out a kilt size 44 is a pants size 42, who knew? I have an odd relationship with size 42 pants; some of them fit me fine, if a little tightly, and others haven't a chance in hell of fitting my fat arse (two pairs of 5.11 tactical jeans sit on the top shelf of my closet, as a matter of fact, hoping and wishing for the day when I can squeeze into them. I'm such a girl.) My utilikilt, sadly, is in this latter category.

And let's face it, I am fat. I may not be the waddling mountain of blubber we can all point a finger at, but I've got a beer belly, my arms and legs are getting beyond their fair share of flabby, and I'm well overweight for my height and build, even as lush as they are. I'm fat, and I bitch about it - maybe not constantly, but certainly often enough. I need to change, and this was just the right impetus for it. I hope.

It's not the first time I've made this promise, but I'm off to a good start (*knock on wood*) and with any luck, putting this out where everyone can razz me if I fail, encourage me as I succeed, and otherwise help to keep me motivated, is my way of keeping myself in the game.

Resolution numero dos, I resolve to write one thousand words - 1,000, 1K, a grand, ten centuries, however you'd like it - each and every day for the next year, from now until December 31, 2012. This is where our title comes from, "365/1K" - although we must not forget that this is a leap year, and therefore it's actually a 366/1K. I'm hoping that, by sheer volume of output, I can force myself to finish the stories I've begun, continue to tell stories I imagine, and generally work on getting myself into some sort of competent writerhood stage. A writer, afterall, is one who writes. And with very rare exceptions (like the first two weeks of November), I don't often do that. That needs to change.

My safety switch for this is that it can be any sort of writing, so long as it's done in my voice, not even necessarily hitting the protocols for "creative writing". Story? Oh hell yeah. Blog entry? Sure, why not? Notes for a story? You betcha. Copying a recipe in a cookbook, data entry for work, writing down "ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JEREMY WANNNA MURDER A BITCH" one thousand times? Nope, doesn't hit the criteria.

(What you're reading right now, by the way, is 642 words - and counting - of today's quota. Happy New Year.)

On this front, I'd like to make the announcement that I'm starting a new series, one I'm hoping to actually send out into the wild for public dissemination, and I need pre-readers, editors, and reviewers. The catch is that it's being done in a couple of genres that I don't have very much experience with, which could very well be offensive to quite a few of you. What is it? Well, to quote Orgazmo, "It's an action-adventure... porno." Or, as I'm calling it, "Fantasy Horror Erotica". As originally envisioned, it was going to be porn - there's no point in sugarcoating this - but it's turned into something about as steamy as your average romance bodice ripper or Laurell K. Hamilton novel. (In other words, porn... with plot.) So, if you enjoy my writing and you don't mind graphic depictions of things that should really be best left in the bedroom (or, in our case, the dungeon, the ruined castle, the catacombs, etc. etc.), drop me a line.

I expect all of my immediate family members have probably fled the blog post screaming, about three lines ago.

Resolution three, I swear, has nothing to do with porn. I resolve to take four camping trips this year; I'd love for it to be one a season, but sadly that's not going to happen with the ship's deployment schedule. I don't plan on being overseas for three quarters of 2012 (like the ship), but I'll be riding it through pretty much all of spring, so that leaves that month out. I may have to get over my distaste of heat, bugs, and summer crowds and go camping in the hot months, or maybe I can cram it all into weekends in the fall, but one way or another, I'm getting my arse out in the woods with a tent and a pack at least four times this year. You're welcome to come along, but I'll go alone if I have to. (Speaking of, I'm also taking steps to begin backpacking in seriousness. I've got a long ways to go; my first sojourn, a three hour hike to my mother-in-law's house with a half weight pack, has my legs aching like I'd run up and down a mountain rather than walked a couple of miles of easy, paved ground at a reasonable pace. It's kind of pathetic.)

Resolution four is an add-on, almost a throwaway; I resolve to read one nonfiction book a month. I'm leaving the definition of "book" open, save that it must be obviously more than a pamphlet. I read a crap load of fiction, I don't read quite as much non; this isn't necessarily a bad thing, per se, but I could do with expanding my horizons. It's almost ironic that I make this vow here at the beginning of 2012, because December 2011 actually saw me read a number of nonfiction; but this was an exception to my usual diet of scifi, fantasy, and horror, and so I'm making the promise. I've got a couple of books lined up, including a pair of Carl Sagan titles my wife got me a couple Christmases ago, so I'm rather looking forward to it.

So, there you have it. Four resolutions from a guy who hates resolutions, four promises to change my life in some way that, hopefully, I'll follow through on. Hope you'll join me. Happy New Year; however good your 2011 may have been, may 2012 be better still.

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